I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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