Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
