Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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