i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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