I got her a Nickelback box set.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
