He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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