is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
