College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
