Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
