UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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