she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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