does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
