Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
