Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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