One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
