i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
