So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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