Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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