Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
