So drunk its hurt
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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