Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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