I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
