I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my being single is dangerous.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
