Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
