that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
