So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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