when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
His nipple licking is glorious
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