Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
