I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
