i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
