I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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