Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
