The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
