The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
