I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
