My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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