note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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