I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
