And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just tell him i said nine months
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
