the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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