I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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