So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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