Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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