I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i drank out of a bidet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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