I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
