What a fucking waste of an outfit
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
