These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
