I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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