Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
