to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
